Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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