the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it glows. i had to have it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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