if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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