if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
