My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
