I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
