Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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