so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
