so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
