using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
