Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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