2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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