I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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