I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
