dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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