Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize