um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
