I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
