I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
