he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
