Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
