I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize