If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
