Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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