I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
