It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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