you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
