I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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