I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
