Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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