We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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