So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
