I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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