she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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