You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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