am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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