I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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