I have demons in me.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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