oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
