There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
