Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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