I think my vagina is haunted
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
