According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
