I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
