Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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