the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize