he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He passed out mid-signature
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
