i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
