if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
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