Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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