There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
