No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
