no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
