Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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