and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
