Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
