Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
