I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
