I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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