I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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