were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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