So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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