I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
